Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
