i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
