I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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