we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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