Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
