nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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