i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
