i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
