how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
