Christians are straight up FREAKS
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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