i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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