We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
