really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
