I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
