So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
