yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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