the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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