yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
