im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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