I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
