The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
