First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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