i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
