We're facebook friends in real life
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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