you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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