Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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