i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
