Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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