goodnight i made you a song goodbye
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
