Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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