Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
