At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
