The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
