Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
