Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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