I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
