Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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