Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
