Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
