hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
