hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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