Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Duck Duck Cougar?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
