Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
