Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i would punch a child for taco bell
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
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Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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