i think my mom watched the whole time
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
