ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
