I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
