so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
