I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
