You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
