That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
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Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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