I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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