Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
