He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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