scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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