Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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