dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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