I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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