he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
