Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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