I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
