Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
