I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
