This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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