1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
