Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
