Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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