Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
