I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
