The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
